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Phone: 419-627-0701  Fax: 419-627-0859
Email: cedarbay@cedarbayconstruction.com
P.O. Box 577
3514 Cleveland Road West
Huron, Ohio 44839-0577

 

 

Cedar Bay


Fun & Joke Page

 

Engineering Terms - Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies:

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still clueless.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The stupid thing blew up when we threw the switch.

TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.

IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can't wait to hear this junk!

SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I'm lonely.

ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

RUGGED
Too heavy to lift!

LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.

ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.

LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken.

A short dictionary of construction terminology
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney--usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor - Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer - Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.

 

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